Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Lonely

There's this beautiful poem about being lonely:

Song

by Adrienne Rich


You're wondering if I'm lonely:
OK then, yes, I'm lonely
as a plane rides lonely and level
on its radio beam, aiming
across the Rockies
for the blue-strung aisles
of an airfield on the ocean.

You want to ask, am I lonely?
Well, of course, lonely
as a woman driving across country
day after day, leaving behind
mile after mile
little towns she might have stopped
and lived and died in, lonely

If I'm lonely
it must be the loneliness
of waking first, of breathing
dawns' first cold breath on the city
of being the one awake
in a house wrapped in sleep

If I'm lonely
it's with the rowboat ice-fast on the shore
in the last red light of the year
that knows what it is, that knows it's neither
ice nor mud nor winter light
but wood, with a gift for burning

For some reason it is speaking to me tonight and I feel like that little rowboat.  I am that woman driving across the country without stopping, mile after mile.  I am in a house wrapped in sleep at first light.

I'm not necessarily sad, just sort of lonely.  I've reached a point in my life where it's not easy to make friends anymore, and the ones I have, I've grown far away from.  It's hard to find something in common with married women, when I'm single.  It's hard to find something in common with stay-at-home moms, I work full time.  It's hard to find something in common with a lot of people around me right now for some reason and I think it's wearing on me.

Now I'm sounding quite morose.  Another blog to the universe, the cyber-space void where it's so vast that it makes it easy for your words to never be heard.  But maybe I like it that way.  No one to see my loneliness.  I can hide behind this cheery profile picture, looking sassy, and wishing I felt that way all the time.

7 comments:

  1. I know the feeling ~ this was a beautiful poem, and something that resonates with many people! Thank you for sharing!!

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  2. aww Dani...well I am not close by but you can vent to me anytime.

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  3. Aw thanks guys. I will live. Just sort of feels like it's just ME out there a lot, and not a lot of friends that are reliable. It's that phase in my life where high school friends are long gone and new friends are hard to come by. Although I have cultivated some "online" friendships here that are fun, there's something to be said for people you can reach out and touch. I'm afraid you just can't replace that. Samael, you know how I appreciate our similar humor. ;)

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  4. I agree that real relationships are more satisfying than online ones but doesn't mean that online ones can't develop into something real. Honestly its all about being open to possibility. I have had the privilege of meeting some friends I made online in the real world in a few occasions and those friendships are as strong or stronger than ones made offline. However, I think online dating is crap.

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  5. LOL, I love how your last caveat is that online dating is crap! So funny and so true.

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  6. I haven't visited here in a while... I like the song/poem except for the middle section where it reads:


    If I'm lonely
    it must be the loneliness
    of waking first, of breathing
    dawns' first cold breath on the city
    of being the one awake
    in a house wrapped in sleep

    I long for being up before the sun, to watch the new day and I generally prefer at such times to be alone, but never am I lonely as it is such a magical hour and the sun is more than enough... Just my thoughts.

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  7. @Sage- I am definitely inclined to agree with you there. Dawn is sometimes the most beautiful time of solitude.

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